NA AUTOGRAPH............

This is a post of nothing grand.. just me putting some of my thoughts to a page.. 
For those of you who either have known me well, or know me now one thing you would say about me is “she is a thinker.”
December has always been a month of deep reflection for me....................... 
Not sure if it is because of Christmas, or if it is due to the fact that my birthday is near in the New years Eve.. the start of another year................ 
 But I think  A LOT about deep stuff this time of year.. reflect on all that has gone on in the previous year....................... 
Some of my thoughts bring hurts or unresolved things to the surface and it causes pain, but this year seems somehow different. 
I have really learned things....................... Things about myself, about other people, and about life.....................
Sometimes this trait serves me well.. other times it causes a battle within myself........... 
But hey its “ME”… and more and more I find I am ok with “ME”.....................
Big losses in my life this year.................. is none but all is well............... 
Atleast that is how I have looked at it up until recent months..
I have never really been specific on certain things, 
but in this post I will.. hell its my blog.. why have I held back in being specific? 
Afraid of hurting people maybe? Who knows.. 
But one thing I have gained this year in all of my losses is this................... 
It is OK and RIGHT for me to set boundries with people...................
 I am too valuable to not be treated as such....................... 
I demand a certain level of respect now, and no longer see the need for people who cannot recognize what I have to offer.. finally… I am “OK” with it..  
I realize in no way is any of it a measure of my worth.................
I know whatever God means for me to have he’ll give it to me............. 
And if it takes too much sweat I dont need it...............
It is a well-known fact that human beings are judged by their deeds.............. 
...............Of no doubt the most demonstrative deeds of individuals are their experience and achievements in life...............
 It is very often said that the amount of every person’s achievements indicates the level of his integrity.........
However in my native country they often say another interesting thought that a person should be judged not only by his past achievements but also by the ones he aspires to in future...................... 
From this point of view I seem to be the person of a tremendous integrity as for the amount of goals I plan to achieve is truly large.............
In the present writing I would like to describe my personal achievements, the ones  I already gained in my life as well as those that I only aspire to achieve in future.................
I was born and raised in chennai......., an ancient place with vivid history and ancient traditions.......................
 I always loved my country and my town very much..........
 However from my early childhood I felt an inclination to discovering something more unusual........in the way expressing things or the things i choose like writing..dancing..............
 All the days in my ife It seemed to me so unbelievably free, independent, beautiful, and proud that i have wonderfull family.............
Surely everyone had their "fair" share of experiences in life, may it be failures, achievements, heartbreaks, or fun-filled laughter.................... 
Experiences change us to be the kind of person who we can be whether we want to or have to.................
Our experiences in the past are always in connection with of who we are in the Present...................
First tooth, first words, first steps, first day of school, first date, first broken heart, first graduation, first job, first child, and the cycle continues..................
I have been so glad for some things that have happened this year.................. 
 I asked myself to remind me of all the great things that are happening in my life.  
I thought to sahre on my  my blogpage...........
 I believe with all my heart that every person has something important to share with this world.................. 
 For some it might be more public, and for others it will be their family or close friends or caregivers, but it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, we all deserve the freedom to become who we were created to be.................
 I know that everyday I wake up and do what I can that day, is a great day...........  
I dont have had many hard days this year..........
 Even today, as I write this I am struggling with high energy and breatholding, but my heart is very content and that’s what I count on....................
I know that if everyone were to be free to explore themselves and find a way to express it, this world would look different than it does today...................
This year has been a miracle for me and I never want to forget how great it has been.  
I don’t even know where to start, but I will start with meeting my life partner, my best friend..............  he is my friend who believed that my writings were beautiful and they could be created into a blog like this.. that would be something others would want to see them.....................  
He gave my heart joy because he enjoyed reading my writings and he made me to meet some amazing people who helped make my dream come true. 
I CAN broadly say in this way........................
Behind every great man, stands a great woman...............
but in my life it's a man...........who changed my life where i am a what iam.....................
 becos of him this year...................And I have the greatest  carrier that I could have chosen...........
and now In my world he means everything...............and i became an angle with wings...................
He supplied my heart with love it never before found..............and support in my carrier too.................
My life would end if he wasn’t here tomorrow......................
I owe so much to him, i can’t even understand...............................
I am selfish, I get him and all he gets is me......................
Forever will always try to give him what he deserves for eternity.....................
I have  beautiful writings  that have been given to me by God................ 
I feel so glad for that chance.............. he is a person who was involved............. gave me a great gift..
It always happens that when you achieve your goal you quickly get another one to follow..... 
when I came to hydreabad ....three years ago..............iam a cute little puppy in a hidden stream.................but now ................ 
my dream came true........ I got oppurtunity to write that i wanted and aimed it to be a proffesion in my life..........
Of course I have many other various dreams and aims in my life..............
 I want to become good manager and get a good job, to build a strong loved family and to treat my children the way my parents treated me, to help people and to make the world around me better.
 I am sure I will reach these aims some time as for every event there is a certain moment...................... 
I already achieved some very important things in my life and I am very proud of it...
 I have a whole big world around me, and a road of life before me.................... 
And I will put all my efforts to follow this road and to achieve the best I can during my future life................
Respect for the Individual is an attitude that I carried throughout my life...... 
It reminds me to value the diversity of cultures and always treat people as I would like to be treated myself.....................
This attitude helped me to master many situations in my life..............this goes on....................ahead for future year's too............
THIS IS MY AUTOGRAPH FOR THIS YEAR 2010.............................which is the best best and everlasting yeay in my life.......................
                                                                                       SANDHYARAJ,
                                                                                        DEC 28TH ,2010                                                            

poor parents

 It was a very touchy situation i faced today by seeing a parent not taken care by his rich child.............
I wanted to put my thoughts about it......even i am on grief facing the great father TODAY............
 I almost composed a poem so i thought it to be fair to write in blog. 
I Know the young ones may not like my outburst, but I have no hassles even if they rubbish it......
This is what is expected out of them. But all of you remember that the train that GOES from source to destination has to pass through each and every station..................  
So is life it has,too, some fixed stations and route to final destination of rendezvous with death.  
Here I am reminded of that famous old saying:
 EVERY SON, AS A CHILD, THINKS THAT HIS FATHER  IS WRONG. BUT WHEN HE GROWS UP AND BECOMES A FATHER HE REALISES HOW RIGHT WAS HIS FATHER. 
BUT , BY THEN, IT IS TOO LATE TO RECTIFY. 
Do not repeat the same mistake what your parents might have made. Why I am giving this saying is?
Importance of PARENTS is realised once they have gone. 
                        YOU  FEEL LONELY..........ya........... 
I am just back after holding a situation of a old poor father who is not taken care by his son............
The strange thing  , i can tell you my friends is .... after your parents have gone, THERE IS NONE TO BE BLAMED FOR YOUR WOES BUT YOU YOURSELF. 
You lose that FAMOUS BUTT of your ANGER. 
THINK ABOUT IT and change the course of your life so that you do not become the BUTT of your CHILDREN's angry
These are the people who have raised us, given us love, cried when we cried, laughed when we did, they cleaned us when we could not, they fed us when we were week, they worked long hours so that they could provide for us...........
Its a shame that the most commonly the elderly people are abused by their own sons, daughters, dils or sils or whatever..........
Now read a small feel that is not completely penned down to the love of our parents.....as it is endless................
Mother.........sitting in a rocking chair... peeking out the window, 
looking at the children playing, remembering her own.
mother every time she thinks back to cook to their children...........................putting bandages on skinned up knees......when we fall................
singing lullabies, tucking the covers under chins so tight......................... 
If she listens closely she can still hear the pitter patter of little feet, laughter echoing through out the hall................... 
She lifts up her hand to feel her wet cheek where tears have fallen down.....................
and now in the society i see some amazing things now a days..................... 
All of mother and father love shown to us seems to be in vain becos of us............... 
Grown daughters and sons are way too busy now. .......................
Too busy to send cards, flowers, or just pick up the phone................... 
Can't you see tender hearts of our parents breaking.....................
All of your needs.... they put first and their needs thrown away......................... 
One day it will be too late for their apologies, too late for the I love you.......................... 
No need to say it now when you should have done it now..................
shame on the society...............for the rich children and poor parents.......................
very sadly sandhyaraj

feeling lonely..........

Today my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart...............
I remember things too easily forgotten..........
The maturity of unselfish love that asks .........desires ............. nothing but another's good,
The idealism that has persisted through all the tempest of life................
I can find a quiet assurance, an inner peace, in the core of my being..................
It can face the doubt, the loneliness, the anxiety.................
Can accept these harsh realities and can even grow..........
Because of these challenges to my essential being...........
If I can accept others, this will help them to be more truly themselves....................And they will be more able to accept me............
I know how much life has given me.........the history of the race, friends and family,
The opportunity to work, the chance to build myself................Then wells with in me the urge to live more abundantly,
With greater trust and joy,................
With more profound seriousness and earnest service,
And yet more calmly at the heart of life...................
sandhyaraj

Merry christmas.....................

My lord..........0 God, forgive my youthful blunders made........................
Forgive my sins of yesteryears till date..............
0 let my vanity of sins past fade...............
Allow my string of life to become strong.and strong.............And give me time to undo all my wrong.................
God has been kind to all of us, we know......................
Without his blessings, we can’t be what we are................
All good and bad, to him alone we owe...............
He will guide us in the journey of a far.............
we are all the Same...............You fear the Lord and he will spare his rod..............
Have faith in him and he will shower Grace...........
Accept to be a believer of God........And like the sun, so too will shine your face.
Believe in him, although he is unseen.....................
But look for him in all things He has made................
Praise him, thank him, till from this world we fade.....................
Never worry for He never forsakes..............he is the Almighty............ God and Creator;
With Him as guide, big problems turn small aches...........
To all our needs, he will certainly cater................
"All men are equal in God's eyes", we say............
This only means God loves all souls alike.........
The hierarchy is surely this world's way....................
Mist, snow, ice, rain are water forms, alike................
so believe in him.......................
Merry christmas...............to all of you....................
sandhyaraj

Friends today i want to share  some things about how much i love to write..........or penning down my thoughts........
one thing i can clearly tell sometimes to my friends and now to you is that I get a real sense of enjoyment and satisfaction from writing down my thoughts. 
Most of the stuff I write remains private with me because it would make little or no sense to anyone other than myself.................... 
At times it doesn’t even make much sense to me but that doesn’t matter.............
It is not the outcome that provides the enjoyment and satisfaction, it is the actual act of doing it. 
I love feeling my fingers on the book or the pen in my hand and just watch as the words appear. 
Most of the time I have no real idea of where it is going and what might come out. 
In other words, I never sit down and extensively plan what I write..............
 In fact, I rarely have any idea whats ever about where the words will take me and for me, this has big part to play in the enjoyment I get from it. 
It is like going on an adventure into the unknown................. 
Most of the time it results in fractured thoughts and random word salad but even this provides a sense of satisfaction. 
It may provide no value whatsoever to anyone reading it, which is fine by me.
In addition to your comments, it provides a way for me to look back and sometimes see things from a different perspective............
 I do have that ability with books where i write too but I like the blog format better because it is easier to navigate and easier to find whatever I want to look back on.....................
 I have never considered myself a writer nor have I referred to myself as a writer............. 
Writing is simply something I enjoy doing................in this world whole heartedly...............
Well! Perhaps I am a writer after all but then again, who cares? After all, what difference does it make?
 I like writing and that is enough for me. I don’t need a title or some kind of label to make me feel better about myself. 
This wasn’t always the case though. 
I have regained some sense of reality reluctantly and, while I much prefer the daydream and still dream of the ability and skill to write for a living, the very thought of actually writing a book overwhelms me  even though to the point of being unable to start it. 
It is easy to forget that writing or creating can be a fairly lonely task.................. 
I am not just referring to the written word but also to all of the other art forms..... painting, music, etc. 
It is a very personal and individual act. I am not going to pretend I am talking from experience because I have very little experience when it comes to writing. But I do know what it feels like to get so focused, on creating/writing a piece of music or simply just hacking away at the things arround me, that I lose touch with everything else around me...............
This is what I love about it. It’s way of escaping into my own world where the reality of every day life simply doesn’t exist. 
A few years ago I did think about signing up for a course in writing like this but then procrastinated on it until I simply forgot about it.
 Actually, this might be one of the few occasions where procrastination has served me well in that I am happy I never signed up for it, because I think it might have made me write according to a defined set of rules.
 This to me seems restrictive and quite frankly I am not a fan of rules!
Writing is an art form and should be open in my view , not be confined by a specific structure or set of rules and nor should any other form of art................it should be open............widely through the heart.......................
                                                                                                                                                      sandhyaraj
                                                                                 

if iam a santa...............

If iam santa being a cuty................little girl .................
Red suit with more stars would be more attractive..............for me tooooooooooooooooo
I would crown on my haead head which is Jingle, jangle.........jingle........
I may keep Christmas tree to be short enough to place that star or angel without a ladder............
I know to make all ornaments shatter proof..................
I will give  the gifts you wish for.................
A whiffin..................... sniffin gift specially for who is reading this............. 
It's from "Secret Santa" ............named sandhyaraj.............bet you can't guess who!
Candles would always shine.................like me..............as iam girl or being a woman........................
Kitchens would smell of cinnamon and peppermint throughout the season..............
Gingerbread houses would be the centerpiece of everyone's tables..............ha ha.................
I do give teddy bears to each homeless child........................
I visit hospitals and play for the children...............
I never deny anyone a gift................I would be everyone's friend.................
My sugarcane lips would touch every child's heart......................sweetly.........
As children peer through their curtains and look up in the sky..........no doubt they will be surprised to see me driving that sleigh................
I would not shout,but gently call each reigndeer by name..........
Now don't you fear.....................
For you still will hear the famous words..................merry christmas.................merry...merry,,,,,,,,,,
Now i will give Yummy, yummy, tummy tingling.................. a tasty, tempting treat............... 
Won't you be surprised ................when we finally meet!
This final gift for the sense of touch might be a bit surprising......... 
I'm sure you know just who I am, Without realizing...............
Merry christmas.....................all of you...........
sandhyaraj

MOTHER

This is for all the mothers......................

who have sat up all night with sick children in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Meyer and cherry Kool-Aid saying.............

"It's OK honey, Mommy's here."...................

This is for all the mothers........

who fled in the night and can't find their children......... This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they will never see and for the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.............

For all the mothers......

who run carpools and make cookies and sew halloween costumes and for all the mothers who don't.........

What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleeping to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Is it the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying?

I think so.

So this is for all the mothers...........

who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies.

And for all the mothers..........

who wanted to but just couldn't..........

This is for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year........

 And then reading it again, "Just one more time".

This is for all the mothers who mess up................

Who yell at their kids in grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired two year old who wants ice cream before dinner.

This is for all the mothers..............

who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started to school and for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

For all the mothers.................

who bite their lips sometimes until they bleed when their 14 year olds dyed their hair green.

This is for all the mothers..............

 who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won't stop.

This is for all mothers...........

 who show at work with spit-up in their hair and milkstains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

This is for mothers..........

who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for all mothers.........

whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home or are grown.

This is for mothers.........

 who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children's graves.

This is for all the mothers........

 whose children have gone astray and who can't find words to reach them.

This is for all the mothers........

who sent their child to school with a stomach ache, assuring that they would be just FINE once they got there, only to get a call from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up right away.

This is for young mothers.......

stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.

And mature mothers learning to let go................

For working moms and stay-at-home moms............ Single mothers and married mothers...........

Mothers with money and mothers without.............

This is for you, so hang in there............

The world would be a terrible place without the love of mothers everywhere. You make it a more civil, caring and safe place for the precious children in our world.

wonderful being a mother..............and me very lucky to be a women yet to play role of mother in my life tooooooooo................

dedicated to all the mothers in the world...........specially to my mom......

Proudly Sandhyaraj.

                                                                  

Politics In India

let me tell you a fact of my country's politics friends sweetly and shortly.........

Is it not funny that you look outdated glamour when we consider our politicians................i feel a old glamour..........................like fairy tales...............

Starry glamour, fiery debates...................about history of my country....................

out dated suggestion boxes,fixed objectives........ ultimately.....................youngsters work towards it..........! should work for this old style............... wow........ pity towards my country................

and in the end................on the seats of power,

we notice several grey-haired,men, who wage a war..................against God, demanding that they want to stay on............

smiling by seeing this.........giggle now it's fact..........of my country's...............politicians...........

The blue pearl of life,a little longer,so that my country...........can move on the development scale....

A little farther or not move at all,so that they can enjoy their life a little more this is what our politicians........think...ha ha........

Rolling over the balls of,fate of the youngsters,

And  now comes the role of media........like couple of elephants,that entertain the audience,

who keenly wait with their cameras, to embellish the tricks, tactics, through banners of words that spread themselves across the papers,

Meanwhile, the disinterested parrots that lie fast asleep,in their cages will soon enough ask,

'is there any end to human greed? '

as everyone know there is only question and no answer yet found...................

sandhyaraj       

fortunate

Another man's victory is another man's defeat............a person walks away, is another person's seat............
is being fortunate really is being fortunate?............couples cant have babies, while teens just impregnates
should we dwell on the joy of being fortunate?
should we feel good about getting fortunes, while other compensates?
is it our ego, our selfishness causes the problems that we create?
or is it just good luck and bad luck or it really is just fate?
is it fate that shoots a man up high, to live up and reach his dreams,
is it also fate that shoots another man down and crush his self esteem...........
someone has to lose in order for another person to win...............
so someone's fortune, is what causes the unfortunates to sin...................
Is life a race that we're stuck in, like a competition?getting satisfaction over someone else's depression...........
is it wrong to be fortunate over some else's unfortunates?
or thats just how things work in this world, thats why i contemplate............
how did it all start? who started this war?
fortunate people causing unfortunate events for others, that leaves a scar
so, is too much ambition would lead to destruction?
thats why we fall into temptation, original sin creates the separation..............
so when i am unfortunate, i will not spread hate, just smiles........
if i lost a hundred thousand on the street, it could mean fortunes for some lucky child............
the next time i am fortunate, i have to be aware of the other side of the spectrum...........
just don't get lost in self satisfaction, thats why i leave this, my trail of bread crumbs.............
                                                                                                                                     sandhyaraj

                  passion the word make wonder's in our life..................
Spend our life that's what we all do, without realizing we could have done more, much more..........is it not...........friends.............
Doing same, mundane activities everyday becomes a vicious cycle, which we can't come out of or we don't want to................. 
People who practice their passion are happy......... they do not have to wait before the whole world acknowledges their art............... 
They only want the world to know of it so that the world may also share the happiness they already have...........
You know it’s your passion when you can’t wait another day doing it.....
 Even when someone tells you to have a vacation, you are reluctant to leave your passion behind.
There is no retirement from it............. 
There is no giving up................ 
Even when you don’t earn money from it, you still do it......... 
You do it for the pure joy of doing it.............
I am passionate about writing and this is what i can say..........
Living your life  that's what people we admire do.......... Unbound enthusiasm for a particular activity or cause helps us achieve satisfaction, happiness and a direction in life........ Very few among us live our lives.
                               Choice is all yours. 
You can make excuses, be lazy and spend your life......... Or stand up, find time for your passion and live your life..................
 Even I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do....... 
But I guess the better approach could be to just keep trying and find out what works for you rather than carefully planning, initiating and giving it up.............. 
So here I am, trying various things, writing being the foremost. 
I now devote regular time to my blog, based on serious issues impacting life.................. 
In parallel, I am trying to improve on writing...................
Motivation often comes from unexpected quarters...you need to welcome the changes..... 
I understand the simple joy of doing something be it a picture well taken, a blog well written or a recipe well prepared.. and getting praise give's you more joy to know about yourself..........
Acheving something great in the world you need Passion whatever it may be, you must find your Passion................
If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.......................
Never underestimate the power of passion......................
Without passion religion is spiritless............... meaningles............... art is useless.............
When you take up a mission with passion there are no dreams too large..
No innovation unimaginable ,no frontiers beyond reach.......... 
Our passions are the winds that propel our vessel.................
There is no end and there is no beginning.............
There is only the passion of which is universal humanity...........
Passion is the genesis of genius......................
Follow your passion and success will follow you!
and with my passion i am about to get into my adulthood.................my carrier
Welcome Me, Adulthood....................
Welcome me, Adulthood, I have ventured through childhood with all the wonders...............in it................
I have placed my childhood fantasy dancing aside and picked up hopes of becoming who I want to be...............
Embrace me knowledge...........I am ready to know more and add to what I know already..............
I have conquered my fear of the night and fear of becoming nothing...................to reach 
I have stopped pretending to be what I thought I was going to be and realized that I am only what I make of myself............
I have come down from the land of make believe and I have found the strength to believe in me............
So when I come upon you, open your arms and welcome me.........adulthood for I am headed your way.
you know friends when i check out myself ...................again again............many pearls that are penned down.............. from with in me............. 
so live with your passion...........
search for passion and not just for a job to do.......


                                                                       written with lot of passion,
                                                                                sandhyaraj

This one i wrote for my mentor..............
All the precious moments, never Lost..............in my life...............
Dear sir, my greatest teacher....................thoughts of you sometimes cross my mind .........
I may smile or chuckle aloud ...............I may just ponder on a memory...........
These precious moments are never lost, never forgotten ...............sir my dearest friend..................
I embrace you with my heart forever!
Dear Mentor,
Through your eyes I saw the world a better place...............
You took the time to teach me, to guide me through the confusion surrounding me ..........
You are my life time teacher............ I am grateful for...................
These precious moments they are never lost..................never forgotten...........
My mind reflects the times we've shared ................my youthful antics, my  world, my day..................
My thoughts linger on the things that were.............sir............
These precious moments are never lost never forgotten.................
I embrace you with my heart forever................
I am overwhelmed with how you made me to grow ............once again in my life.....................
Impressed with the wonderfull man you are..................
From the little girl I nurtured and loved by my parents................
As my mentor.........in your heart, the little girl iam............ will always remain............
These precious moments are never lost, never forgotten ...........
I embrace you with my heart forever...............
I treasure every moment, recalling special times..............like this.................
Knowing you gave me life, hope and understanding............
unconditionally ................Your were always there for me and for my carrier.........
I revel in your memory ..........cherishing countless moments.............
Moments that are never lost, never forgotten
Dearest sir..............
I embrace you with my heart forever............
Dearest sir............thanku so much for everything......................
I embrace you with my heart forever!!!
sandhyaraj

AIDS DAY

Today i have seen a small girl effected with AIDS..........how pity, she is faultless but she is punished.
Oh.........sweet little girl you are faultless...............
Starring into your big brown eyes............
I can only find innocence..............
Too sublime but unaware of it...........
Very young and yet so disadvantaged
I know  you are scarred by a disease ... incurable
Your blood is poison.. or so they tell you
But u dont understand why........ 
No, it's not your fault.............
But here you are Intelligent and Yes, you could have made it big in life............
You dont know that your birth was your very own death sentence.............
you dont know that I am asking myself questions like.........
God, why my little heart is acheing towards this adorable baby?
But my sweet little girl,
And all the other beautiful angels like you.............. 
Always blessed with love...of god above the sky with angles like stars..............
No, its not a curse.........for you
But why the sickeness, the pain, the suffering??.............
Oh.......god why??????????????
You look back the big brown eyes... you have created..........
Clutch your chest as you cough in agony.............
You too cant bear the pain and yet........me too..........
You take it like a champ.......
It's not your fault...........my girl......
But as you look up into mama's eyes...
Your big brown eyes tell her,
You still love her...........